


Beginning, Middle and End

by jericho



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:40:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jericho/pseuds/jericho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of a relationship that begins and ends on a tour bus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginning, Middle and End

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2000.

______  
Beginning:  
___________  


Kevin noticed it affecting everyone. They traveled on a little bus, usually stripped naked from the waist up, locked in a microcosm of interviews and performances and hotel rooms. Every night brought a rush of adrenaline, a new round of screams, a new wave of sexual energy that started at the very back of the theater and eventually rolled onto the stage and hit them full force. They couldn't help but absorb it, letting it seep into their skin until they found themselves not knowing how to come down. They walked around with hard-ons what seemed like 24/7. 

Kevin lay amongst his other group mates on the bus. He was sprawled out in the corner of the booth while the others sprawled out on any available surface. The air conditioner was broken, and everyone had stripped down to a pair of shorts. Brian used a folded tour program to fan himself. Nick tried to play video games but kept stopping to wipe his hair out of his eyes. It would stand straight up from the sweat and eventually fall over his forehead again. Howie lay on his bunk at the back with the curtain closed. The tension crackled above them like a live wire. 

"This'll get easier," Brian said, putting the program in the other hand and fanning himself again. "Imagine what we're going to do 10 years from now." 

"Ten years from now, we'll have our own private jet," Kevin said. 

But Brian was right. They had just started their first American tour. Their single had just broken. They would eventually find a way to curb the excitement. They just hadn't found it yet. So until then, they were like Lord of the Flies characters, half naked and covered in sweat and trapped on their own little island - a bus that reeked of testosterone and smelled like a locker room. 

AJ pushed out of the tiny bus bathroom, walking over and patting Brian's leg. Brian moved his legs so AJ could sit down. AJ leaned on the table, resting his head in his hands. "On our next stop, I need to find a nice lady," AJ said. 

"Yeah," Kevin mumbled in agreement. 

"No shit," Nick said, still facing the TV. Kevin couldn't help but laugh. Nick wasn't a virgin, but his total number of sexual experiences equaled one, or maybe two. 

"Yeah, Nick, you're such a stud," AJ said. 

"Fuck off," Nick said, but it was half hearted. 

Kevin slipped out of the booth and stood up. "I'm going to see what Howie's doing." 

"Probably spanking his monkey," AJ said. 

Kevin walked slowly down the hall, stopping outside Howie's bunk, kneeling to listen. It was quiet on the other side, but suddenly Kevin heard a deep, jagged breath swim to the surface. Then another one. And Kevin knew AJ was right. Howie walked around these days in what seemed to be faint desperation, a look in his eyes like he was simply passing time between self-inflicted orgasms. They were all brimming with sexual energy, and Howie was the worst at hiding it. 

Kevin pulled back the curtain slowly. Inside the bunk, a blanket rustled and flew up to rest on Howie's stomach to cover the evidence. Kevin opened the curtain enough to come face to face with Howie, who gave him a pained smile. Howie's eyes were wild. Pleading. It was cute to watch him try to act normal. 

"Hey," Howie said. Kevin knew he was trying to sound casual. 

Kevin smiled a little. "Hey." His eyes moved from Howie's face, down to the blanket and back up again. "What are you doing?" 

"Nothing." 

Kevin studied him for a minute, his brain going in strange directions. He wasn't even sure what he was doing or what he was after when he said, "Can I come in?" 

"Sure." Howie rolled quickly on his side to make room, and Kevin climbed in and lay down next to him, pulling the curtain closed again. 

Kevin lay there for a minute, acutely aware of the raging hard-on Howie was hiding under the blanket. "How are you doing?" 

"Fine," Howie said quickly. Breathlessly. 

"You seem...agitated." Kevin gave Howie a quick pat on the arm and realized it was just an excuse to touch him. 

"I'm okay." 

"You seem really...turned on." The minute Kevin said it he wanted to bite his tongue. He wasn't sure why he said it, or why his knuckles "accidentally" scraped Howie's chest when he said it. 

Howie's eyes sparkled. His breathing was shallow. He looked cautious, like he was debating whether or not to say something. Finally he said, "Can I do something?" 

Kevin hadn't realized until that point that his breathing was as jagged as Howie's. "You can do anything you want." 

Before he knew it Howie had rolled Kevin onto his back, and Howie was moving down his body, curling himself into a ball at the end of the bunk and looping his fingers under the waistband of Kevin's shorts. He pulled them down and Kevin covered his eyes with his arm, afraid to watch. But his body was screaming now, hot and melting like a pool of molten lava. 

He felt his cock slide into Howie's hot, wet mouth. He bucked his hips forward, and it slid in even farther. Howie took it easily, willingly, like he had done this a hundred times before. And when Howie's tongue darted across a spot that made Kevin shudder, Kevin realized that Howie _had_ done this before. 

Howie sucked him expertly, without a sound, and brought him off so quickly that Kevin wasn't even prepared when orgasm hit. He gripped the pillow to absorb his urge to groan, his body arched as Howie drank down everything Kevin gave him. Howie moved back up and lay down again. Kevin uncovered his eyes to find Howie grinning sheepishly. 

"What about you?" Kevin whispered. 

"It's okay. I can take care of myself." 

"Do you...do you want me to do anything?" 

"Just kiss me." 

Kevin rolled on his side, inching in close enough to kiss him. Howie threw off the blanket and Kevin saw that he was achingly hard, his cock drooling on his tight stomach, making a pool just below his belly button. Howie fastened his hand around his erection and turned his head. Kevin leaned over and kissed him timidly. He sensed that Howie was fighting the urge to shove his tongue down Kevin's throat. Kevin sucked at Howie's tongue, clumsily at first. Then, as he felt Howie start to jerk himself off, Kevin found a kissing rhythm that matched Howie's. Howie gasped and sighed into Kevin's mouth, his back arching slowly like a drawbridge lifting, his wrist jerking faster and faster until Howie sounded like he was in pain, and hard spurts of semen hit his stomach. 

"There you go," Kevin said softly, giving Howie a deep, sated kiss as Howie came down again. 

Howie pulled away and blushed a little, pulling the blanket up over his body. Kevin patted Howie's stomach. "It's okay," he said. "I'm cool with this." 

Howie nodded, staying in place as Kevin checked to make sure there were no tell-tale signs on him of what had happened. He made sure his shorts were in place and climbed out, heading to the bathroom to check himself in the mirror. When he went back to the rest of the guys, it was like nothing had happened. 

And nothing had, Kevin reasoned. He was helping out a friend. That's the role he liked to think of himself as playing in this group. The one who kept the rest of them from losing their minds. 

Later that night, Kevin wandered through the hall by himself, still trying to come down from the on-stage high. The show that night had been fantastic. The crowd had been completely in tune with them, and the energy had hit them like a tidal wave. They had danced until the sweat soaked through their clothes. They had sang until their five voices were like a single, perfectly tuned instrument. 

He stopped and tapped on Howie's door. Just to check on him, he figured. To make sure he was okay. Howie had seemed like he was in a great mood that night. His eyes had danced as much as the rest of him. 

Howie answered the door. His hair was still damp with shower water and a towel was wrapped around his narrow waist. "Hey," he said with a grin, opening the door wider so Kevin could come in. 

Kevin walked in and stood there for a second, tapping his legs absently. "How are you doing? Everything okay in here?" 

"Yeah," Howie said, except he sounded breathless again. 

"Good. Just thought I'd check with you. On you, I mean. To make sure we're cool after...." 

"Yeah," Howie said quickly. "We're cool." 

"Okay, because, you know, you're my...." 

He didn't get the sentence out before Howie leaned over and pressed his hand on the back of Kevin's neck, pulling him into a kiss. Kevin kissed him back, letting his hands rest timidly on Howie's waist. Then his fingers ran up Howie's back, over the smooth skin, the curved spine, the muscular shoulders. 

"You know," Howie mumbled into Kevin's mouth, "there's a lot more we can do. If you want to." 

They kissed again, even longer this time. So wet and hot and slippery. Kevin felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. 

"Do you want to?" Howie asked. 

Kevin gulped and said "Uh huh" before he realized what he was doing. 

*** 

________  
Middle:  
________  
  
  
Millennium was riding high. They'd never been more famous. Or happier. Or ready to conquer the world. And Kevin had never been so eager to rest briefly after a concert and then keep moving wherever the crowd took him. 

That night he followed Howie, who followed Nick, who followed AJ, who always knew the way to the greatest clubs. Kevin had seen a lot of clubs in his day, but when he walked into Fluid, he immediately felt at home. 

The people were smiling. The drinks were mixed perfectly, not to mention the fact that they were free. The music was a perfect combination of steady beats and innovative melodies, techno with enough variety thrown in that it wasn't monotonous. And he danced. 

He danced until his head spun, and sweat formed on his brow, and the feeling of people bumping against him became a rhythm all its own. The blue and red lights flashed from floor to ceiling, and a strobe light came on and made everyone's movements look calculated and robotic. 

Howie shimmied through the crowd, hands in the air because he was holding a drink in each one. His hair was tied back, his face bearing a bit of perfectly cultivated scruff, his shirt open to show a collar bone that Kevin would love to trace with his tongue. Howie gave him a brilliant Howie smile and Kevin couldn't help but smile back. 

"Here," Howie said, although Kevin saw the words rather than heard them because of the pulsing music. Kevin took the drink and put his hand on Howie's waist, hoping Howie would know to come closer. And of course Howie did. 

Kevin gave him a one-armed hug, feeling the familiar warmth and the sweet smell of Howie's cologne. Kevin loved his girlfriend. He thought he might even want to marry her one day. But when Kristin was a thousand miles away, and when Kevin needed to feel the stability of a familiar body, Howie was only a few steps away. 

Howie hugged back, although his hug was tighter. Howie was less worried about what people thought of him. Less worried about whether the other guys knew. They'd never actually told them. Kevin figured there was nothing to tell. So they had sex once or twice a week. It was the same as AJ and Brian shooting hoops, or Nick and AJ getting into fierce video game wars on the tour bus. It was a way to express their friendship. A common bond. And it felt good for both of them, so there was no reason to stop. 

Kevin ran his hand along the back of Howie's shirt. The material was slightly damp because Howie had been dancing as much as the rest of them. He let his fingertips press against the indent of Howie's spine, moving down almost to the waist of Howie's pants and then back up until his hand was resting between Howie's shoulders. 

Howie leaned in and his lips brushed against Kevin's earlobe when he whispered a single, luscious word. "Stop." 

"Stop what?" Kevin feigned innocence. 

"You know what." Howie flashed another brilliant smile and then looked over Kevin's shoulder, waving at Brian. 

They stayed until the club kicked people out, and they rode together in the car back to the hotel. Nick was a little drunker than everyone else, and kept poking at the driver to change the radio station. The girl he brought with him giggled. 

"Find some Journey," Nick told the driver, his voice slurred. 

"Like Journey is on the radio anymore," AJ said. 

"Yes, they are," Nick argued. "They are on the radio." He turned to the girl. "You hear Journey on the radio, don't you?" 

"Yeah," she agreed. Although she would have agreed if Nick said the sky was purple. 

Kevin shifted impatiently in his seat. This wasn't what he wanted to be doing. He couldn't ignore the feeling of Howie's leg pressed against his, more because of the proximity than anything. 

Back at the hotel, everyone went to their respective rooms, various doors down the hallway clicking shut in unison. Kevin closed his door and leaned against it, waiting. Almost immediately there was a knock. 

Kevin spun around and opened it. He and Howie's lips locked before the door even closed. Kevin walked backward to the bed and they fell on it in a sweaty, giggling heap. 

Kevin couldn't get Howie's clothes off fast enough. His fingers fumbled with shirt buttons. His knuckles got in the way as he tried to unbutton jeans. Howie was undressing him with a more deft touch, getting Kevin's shirt off before Kevin was even halfway done with Howie's shirt buttons. 

Howie pulled away a little and undressed himself, throwing his clothes on the floor next to Kevin's. They slid up to the head of the bed, feet shoving blankets away. 

"I need to be inside you," Kevin mumbled, and Howie mumbled back an affirmative response. Their mouths moved sloppily over each other's bodies for a few minutes, frantic movements punctuated by pants and groans. Finally it was time. Kevin's favorite moment, when he rolled Howie into position and got ready for that exquisite entry, and produced that exquisite first groan. 

"Now," Howie gasped as Kevin positioned himself between Howie's legs. "Do it now." He barely said the second "now" when the phone rang. 

Kevin dropped his forehead against Howie's chest and groaned. "No. No, no, no." 

Howie's fingers trailed through Kevin's hair. "Then don't answer it." 

"I have to," Kevin said. "It's probably Kristin." 

Kevin rolled off and answered the phone. "Hello?" 

And it was Kristin, so excited that her words stumbled together. She'd gotten a part in a commercial she'd auditioned for, and Kevin's heart swelled with pride. 

He sat up, flicking on the lamp and listening. He couldn't exactly tell her that he had to go. He was supposed to be drifting off to sleep right now. 

At some point in the conversation he heard Howie pull up the blankets and cuddle under them. He reached back to pat Howie's hip and kept talking. 

He didn't realize how long he'd talked until he hung up and turned around. Howie's eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling with every sleeping breath. 

"Howie," Kevin whispered. 

No response. 

"Howie," Kevin said in his normal voice. 

Still no response. 

Kevin reached over and shook Howie's shoulder. "You awake, D?" 

Howie's eyes opened slowly and he shifted under the blankets. "Yeah. I'm awake." 

"Good," Kevin murmered, slipping under the covers. "Because I'm just getting started." 

*** 

________  
End:  
________  
  
  
Group meetings were routinely held in the common area of the tour bus. There were enough seats around the table for all of them, even if they were crammed together. Howie sat against the window on the left side, next to Nick. Brian and AJ sat on the other side. Kevin stood, leaning against the counter of the kitchen area, taking deep breaths to prepare himself. 

"I'm getting married," he said. 

There was a short period of silence, and Kevin added, "To Kristin." 

AJ was the first to speak. "Whoah." 

"That's great," Brian piped up. "That's great news. Congratulations." 

Kevin knew Brian would be the most supportive, and Brian was the first to stand up and shake his hand. 

"Whoah," AJ said again. 

Nick chewed his gum thoughtfully. "When?" 

"A few months. After we get everything in order." 

Nick chewed even faster. "Well, congratulations, I guess." 

Kevin couldn't help but laugh. "You guess?" 

"Nah. I mean, congratulations. That's cool." 

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. "I've already talked to Johnny about how it will affect our fans. I mean, obviously we're going to have to deal with that." 

"Ah, fuck 'em," AJ said, although everyone knew it wouldn't be that easy. 

Howie would normally be the first one to be happy for one of his group mates. The first to grin and hug and say something optimistic. But he hadn't said anything. He sat with his leg curled to his chest, looking out the window, chewing thoughtfully on his thumb nail. He seemed to sense that he was being watched and brightened. "Congratulations." 

"Thanks, D." 

Howie turned carefully and tapped Nick's arm to get him to move. "Guys, I gotta nap. I'm exhausted." Nick moved and Howie couldn't seem to get out of the booth and down the hallway fast enough. No one seemed to notice. 

Kevin watched Howie climb into his bunk and the curtain close behind him. Brian was still pouring out the encouragement. "It'll be cool," Brian was saying. "Some of the fans might not like it, but we have a lot of mature fans who'll be okay with it. They'll be happy for you." 

Kevin waited until a break in the action to sneak back down the hall. He crouched next to Howie's bunk and couldn't hear anything. He pulled back the curtain slowly, enough to peek in, and saw Howie laying there motionless, facing the wall. 

"Can I come in?" Kevin asked. 

Howie didn't turn around. "Sure." 

Kevin climbed in slowly, wishing he could sit up but banging his head when he tried. Instead he laid down and propped himself up with his elbow. "What are you doing?" 

"Nothing." 

Kevin reached out to put his hand on Howie's shoulder, but when he did his hand hovered in midair, afraid to land. "You're not mad at me, are you?" 

Howie took a deep breath. "Why couldn't you have told me that earlier?" 

"It just happened this morning." 

"That's not what I mean," Howie said. "I mean, why couldn't you have told me first, when the other guys weren't around?" 

Kevin paused, unsure of what to say. The truth was that he hadn't really thought about it. "I'm sorry." His hand dropped to his side. "Are you mad at me?" 

There was a long pause. Another deep breath from Howie. "Kevin," he finally said. But that's all he said. 

"What?" Kevin asked weakly. 

"Don't come back here again." 

And that was it, Kevin figured. The end of all of it. The end of a long ritual between him and Howie. The end of extended hugs and whisker burn on his skin. The end of inhaling that dark, sweet cologne. The end of an era. He wanted more than anything to hug Howie, to squeeze against him. But he knew it was too late. 

Kevin crawled out carefully, shutting the curtain all the way and heading back to the rest of the group. Howie didn't come out for the rest of the day. 

  



End file.
